At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
