His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
