so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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