How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
