I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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