I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he fucked my hip out of place.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
