gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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