I hate your face
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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