It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
