So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
