im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
