I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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