she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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