I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
