I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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