we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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