don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
zippers are such a cool invention
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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