Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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