Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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