just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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