I wannas sexs uuuuu
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
