the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Someone signed my nipple.
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