she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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