we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
