i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
