she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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