That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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