420 ftw
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
