she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
