i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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