you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
