ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
ok first of all what the fuck
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
