I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
