Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
