i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
