Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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