Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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