Soap is not a condiment
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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