You're my little dorito
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
