what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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