In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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