i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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