If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
