Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
