i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
