I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
