So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
