Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
