You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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