Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
