Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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